Saturday, December 11, 2010
74 lbs down and loving it!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Sentencing Day Today!
Things went great today! He is going away for at least 20 years (30 but will have a chance for 10 off with good behavior crap) but there is a possibility that he could be committed after he serves his sentence! It was a great victory for the boys today to have their voices heard! Thank you to everyone that came and to those that couldn't be there but had us in their thoughts and prayers....We love you all!
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Quiet Day? In my house? Not on your life!
As I sit here in my house with 2 of my 3 boys (the oldest is at Nana's) I wonder if I was really cut out for this job. I mean seriously.....those who know me know my patience level has always been slim to zip and that when it comes to being irritated really easily-I am the poster child for losing my mind. But here I am, single mom to 3 wonderful, autistic boys. I can't say that I would want to change too much of my life, although I think that I would get rid of the last 3 years with a so called Mr. Ick, but I would like to meet the fool who somehow created Autism! I know my life is more enriched, no seriously it is-I have learned more from my 3 autistic sons than I have ever learned from any neuro-typical child I have ever been in contact with, and entertainment is always in abundance here, no need to buy tickets to any comedy show....I have my own, and sometimes they are a heck of a lot funnier than any stand up comic out there. My boys are handsome, smart, silly, and just the greatest kids ever, but there are a few things I would like to kind of change or tone down a bit it possible (hey we can all dream). First of all-Stimming....seriously I can guarantee you that my middle son has taken about 3000 laps if not more around my house in his lifetime....this is not including the outside of the house or the thousands of hours a summer he spends on the Trampoline. Normally it doesn't get to me, but when you have days where there isn't anything to do, because it is raining or snowing or someone is sick.....than you want to gorilla glue his feet to the floor in hopes that he will sit in one spot long enough for you to get one thing done. Along with the endless stimming we have the endless munching (this is about the only thing they get from me....course the rest of their genetic makeup is from their dad-which I will be honest, isn't all bad....) I swear I am buying at least 100 to 200 worth in groceries each time I go and I go at least 2 times a month....I feel like no sooner do I get food than it is gone again....Ugh and they aren't even teenagers yet! Than you have the constant birage of 1 TV going with something (Spongebob, Wonder Pets, Dinosaurs, Stitch, Scooby Doo and so forth) while the other TV is going at the same time and is usually on Nick Jr.....and don't forget about the oldest child who either watches some Pokeman, Bakugan, or some other Japanese Anime show (Thank you James) or he has stationed himself on his computer.....At any given time you can walk into my house and find at least 2 TV's and 2 computers going at a one time! Welcome to the wonderful world of technology....had my kids been born back before any of this was around-Oh I think they would have done put me in a straight jacket in a rubber room somewhere...as a matter of fact I am positive that is what would be the case. My only reprieve, other than the wonderful and awesome staff that work with my kids, is Wed. nights for karaoke and sometimes Sat. nights as well.....I am beginning to think that I am going to pretend that I have a job outside of the house just so I can get a vacation....
Yes I know, that is crazy talk and someone would surely bust me out! By the end of the day I am ready to crawl under a rock and not return until next week....It's not going to work, but it is a very wonderful fantasy....course so is taking off in my vehicle and just driving til the gas runs out....but than I would miss my kids, miss my circus of a household and probably go insain from too much silence!!!!!!!!
Lets face it....if my life was anything less than it is now, I think I would be one of those people that has to create drama just so I can have something to do....lol.
Yes I know, that is crazy talk and someone would surely bust me out! By the end of the day I am ready to crawl under a rock and not return until next week....It's not going to work, but it is a very wonderful fantasy....course so is taking off in my vehicle and just driving til the gas runs out....but than I would miss my kids, miss my circus of a household and probably go insain from too much silence!!!!!!!!
Lets face it....if my life was anything less than it is now, I think I would be one of those people that has to create drama just so I can have something to do....lol.
Friday, July 2, 2010
Brick Wall
This brick wall is so familiar to me, I know I hit it once before. Back when all 3 of the boys were diagnosed with Autism, I was happy to finally have a dx and to know that it wasn't just me, or that I was a bad parent, but a few days after I realized just how real the reality of it really was. I have come back to this wall again today! It is not a fun wall....it is full of pain, hurt, guilt, shame, tears.....you name it, the wall is covered in it. Yesterday was the biggest victory of our lives so far- Him pleading guilty and them being able to charge him with the acts against D as well without the proof they were wanting, but with the fact that they had him confessing it, and they were able to find a legal way to charge it....Thank God, that act was the worst one out of all....Not a lot of people know what this is....I am now going to give you all the answers you have been seeking from me....I feel that it is okay now, and it is time to get it out and get passed it!
Most of you remember back last fall when I was constantly in pain from my back and legs and was on a regamine of percocets and muscle relaxers, which would make me feel physically ill at the same time. Well as it was C (I just can't really say, see, hear, or write his name right now) had to go back to his truck up in Zimmerman to get some things that he had forgot-I was not able to make the hour drive up there and the hour drive back very well so he told me to take my meds and get some rest and he would take S and D with him so I would be able to relax and rest....I now see how ignorant and nieve I really was. From here is where this is going to get graphic and probably more info than you want to know....
Once at the truck he had them undress and then made them perform oral and anal acts on eachother- Please keep in mind that D is classic low functioning autistic and is mostly non verbal. All the while C was taking pictures of this and after it was over with he went on to penetrate S in from of D.
Because he was somehow able to get rid of the pictures of this, the Feds along with the state of MN were positive they weren't going to be able to prosecute him on this charge-obviously they found a way and we have learned that D sets a presidence in Dakota County as the first case to have this kind of charge.....Imagine if the laws on that kind of charge can get stiffer penalties all because of what D went through....I think that would be a great Victory for us as well. Anyway I know that most of you are sick from reading this and probably will be commenting me and telling me I shouldn't have posted, but you know what I don't care....this needs to be out there....People need to know what happened to these boys, so that they can make sure it doesn't happen to their kids.
I have lost some friendships recently, it bothers me but I can only do so much to try to retain the relationship....what hurts me the most about losing those friendships is that when I was having days close to this one I always had somewhere to go that was close enough and I felt safe....I knew that there was someone there covering my back and that if I needed something they were there. This is hard enough, but than to have to go through it without the support of some, well it makes it harder. Whatever the reason for the friendship not being there, the point of this is that, I want to thank the people for the love and support that was given in the beginning of all of this, because honestly they were a major part of me being able to keep my faith in God and in myself as a person and a parent.
(Please if you know about the situation, please don't comment on it....there is enough animosity about that as there is and I really don't think it needs to be rehashed...I just wanted the people that were affected to know that I appreciate them and their time in my life)
This is what the brick wall does to you....it makes you ramble about how you are feeling, whether or not it makes sense, whether or not it seems like a good idea at the time to say what you want to say....it is the brick wall! The brick wall isn't always bad though- When you hit that brick wall-You know you are on your way to healing! I know this route all too well and even though it sucks, I know that it is only going to get better from here, it has too because I have God on my side! My children are my life, and they are the reason I am still here. I look at them everyday and wonder.....God, how did I of all people end up with the bravest, most wonderful, beautiful boys in the world? And why did you pick me to have them? I know I am not given more than I can handle, even when it seems that way.....I know that I am always going to have Him to lift me up when I can not get up. I also know that he is going to break this brick wall down for me to get through it again....He has before!
Most of you remember back last fall when I was constantly in pain from my back and legs and was on a regamine of percocets and muscle relaxers, which would make me feel physically ill at the same time. Well as it was C (I just can't really say, see, hear, or write his name right now) had to go back to his truck up in Zimmerman to get some things that he had forgot-I was not able to make the hour drive up there and the hour drive back very well so he told me to take my meds and get some rest and he would take S and D with him so I would be able to relax and rest....I now see how ignorant and nieve I really was. From here is where this is going to get graphic and probably more info than you want to know....
Once at the truck he had them undress and then made them perform oral and anal acts on eachother- Please keep in mind that D is classic low functioning autistic and is mostly non verbal. All the while C was taking pictures of this and after it was over with he went on to penetrate S in from of D.
Because he was somehow able to get rid of the pictures of this, the Feds along with the state of MN were positive they weren't going to be able to prosecute him on this charge-obviously they found a way and we have learned that D sets a presidence in Dakota County as the first case to have this kind of charge.....Imagine if the laws on that kind of charge can get stiffer penalties all because of what D went through....I think that would be a great Victory for us as well. Anyway I know that most of you are sick from reading this and probably will be commenting me and telling me I shouldn't have posted, but you know what I don't care....this needs to be out there....People need to know what happened to these boys, so that they can make sure it doesn't happen to their kids.
I have lost some friendships recently, it bothers me but I can only do so much to try to retain the relationship....what hurts me the most about losing those friendships is that when I was having days close to this one I always had somewhere to go that was close enough and I felt safe....I knew that there was someone there covering my back and that if I needed something they were there. This is hard enough, but than to have to go through it without the support of some, well it makes it harder. Whatever the reason for the friendship not being there, the point of this is that, I want to thank the people for the love and support that was given in the beginning of all of this, because honestly they were a major part of me being able to keep my faith in God and in myself as a person and a parent.
(Please if you know about the situation, please don't comment on it....there is enough animosity about that as there is and I really don't think it needs to be rehashed...I just wanted the people that were affected to know that I appreciate them and their time in my life)
This is what the brick wall does to you....it makes you ramble about how you are feeling, whether or not it makes sense, whether or not it seems like a good idea at the time to say what you want to say....it is the brick wall! The brick wall isn't always bad though- When you hit that brick wall-You know you are on your way to healing! I know this route all too well and even though it sucks, I know that it is only going to get better from here, it has too because I have God on my side! My children are my life, and they are the reason I am still here. I look at them everyday and wonder.....God, how did I of all people end up with the bravest, most wonderful, beautiful boys in the world? And why did you pick me to have them? I know I am not given more than I can handle, even when it seems that way.....I know that I am always going to have Him to lift me up when I can not get up. I also know that he is going to break this brick wall down for me to get through it again....He has before!
Wednesdays Victory!
Wed. was the court hearing.....and he pleaded guilty! They were also able to charge him with the charge for my middle son as well, they didn't think they would be able to. What a victory for us. Sentencing is September 2.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Face Book Pages
My Page: brokenbutnotdefeated
The Boys' Abuse Awareness Page: My Kids Are Survivors....Help Raise Sexual Abuse Awareness
The Boys' Abuse Awareness Page: My Kids Are Survivors....Help Raise Sexual Abuse Awareness
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Roller Coaster: When Your Autistic Children Are Assaulted
4/20/10
For the past 3 years I have been with a man whom I thought was the most wonderful person in the world....I gave him my heart, my soul, my love, my security-only to have it all be a lie! I thought I had the perfect marriage (Praise God it wasn't a legal one-how messy that would have been), and it turned out to be a complete lie. I trusted him with everything, including my children-BIG MISTAKE! About a month ago accusations started to fly that he had done something to 2 of my children....and it was a nightmare trying to believe and not believe at the same time....You never want to think that someone who you love so much would do something this disgusting to your little ones...For 3 weeks he swore up and down that it wasn't him, that he would never do this kind of thing, that it had to have been someone else....on and on and on....Finally after he was arrested and arraigned and I was finally able to get a copy of the complaint report and finally got to see exact details of what my kids said to social services and the detective and realized that there is no way in gods creation that this was made up or that someone else did it. After finally pulling the wool from in front of my eyes, I started to see this whole situation for what it was. This puke did things so unimaginable to my kids...I just can't even speak of them. It is bad enough to do something that heinous to a child, but you add to the fact that he did it to children that are autistic....
Update 6/24/10
So this past Monday (the 21st) was the court hearing where he was supposed to have made a plea....instead his public defender asked for a continuance because she didn't have his video confession. Even after the DA had sent it to her well over 2 weeks ago! So now the next court date is Wed. the 30th and this will be the one where he pleads. I pray that he does us right and pleads guilty. It has been a really rough road and I know it isn't the end, and that it won't go away just like that, but if he pleads guilty, at least the whole thing won't be drug out any longer! It is very unsettling that he will only get 30 years (apparently that is the max in Minnesota), it just doesn't seem fair- My kids will have to deal with this for the rest of their lives...they don't get time off for good behavior in this situation, but he might?! How is that punishing him? And the fact that he had my youngest perform acts on my middle son (who by the way is noverbal, very low functioning autistic), makes me sick to think that he could get just a slap on the hand....
And they can't even charge him with that one unless they find pictures of it, because my middle son can't talk and can't tell of it....we only found out about that because the skuz decided to admit it in his confession....seriously how sick is this man? Everyday I look at my children, I wonder what it must be like for them....How do they get through the day without constantly thinking about it? Or do they? As a parent of children who have been sexually abused, I can't get it out of my head, how do they do so well? Not to mention the fact that my oldest has been dx'ed with PTSD *(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) because of all of this! Why can't they add on more time for this situation? I don't think it should be based upon whether or not they have had prior convictions.....I think the sentence should be based upon the severity of the crime....for example....if you are charged with multiple counts of abuse to more than one child...you should get prison time for each count, now add on top of that the fact that they are autistic, well there should be even more time than that, and than add on top the psychiatric therapy that the children plus the parent are going to need....well there is more time...per child, per count.....
For the past 3 years I have been with a man whom I thought was the most wonderful person in the world....I gave him my heart, my soul, my love, my security-only to have it all be a lie! I thought I had the perfect marriage (Praise God it wasn't a legal one-how messy that would have been), and it turned out to be a complete lie. I trusted him with everything, including my children-BIG MISTAKE! About a month ago accusations started to fly that he had done something to 2 of my children....and it was a nightmare trying to believe and not believe at the same time....You never want to think that someone who you love so much would do something this disgusting to your little ones...For 3 weeks he swore up and down that it wasn't him, that he would never do this kind of thing, that it had to have been someone else....on and on and on....Finally after he was arrested and arraigned and I was finally able to get a copy of the complaint report and finally got to see exact details of what my kids said to social services and the detective and realized that there is no way in gods creation that this was made up or that someone else did it. After finally pulling the wool from in front of my eyes, I started to see this whole situation for what it was. This puke did things so unimaginable to my kids...I just can't even speak of them. It is bad enough to do something that heinous to a child, but you add to the fact that he did it to children that are autistic....
Update 6/24/10
So this past Monday (the 21st) was the court hearing where he was supposed to have made a plea....instead his public defender asked for a continuance because she didn't have his video confession. Even after the DA had sent it to her well over 2 weeks ago! So now the next court date is Wed. the 30th and this will be the one where he pleads. I pray that he does us right and pleads guilty. It has been a really rough road and I know it isn't the end, and that it won't go away just like that, but if he pleads guilty, at least the whole thing won't be drug out any longer! It is very unsettling that he will only get 30 years (apparently that is the max in Minnesota), it just doesn't seem fair- My kids will have to deal with this for the rest of their lives...they don't get time off for good behavior in this situation, but he might?! How is that punishing him? And the fact that he had my youngest perform acts on my middle son (who by the way is noverbal, very low functioning autistic), makes me sick to think that he could get just a slap on the hand....
And they can't even charge him with that one unless they find pictures of it, because my middle son can't talk and can't tell of it....we only found out about that because the skuz decided to admit it in his confession....seriously how sick is this man? Everyday I look at my children, I wonder what it must be like for them....How do they get through the day without constantly thinking about it? Or do they? As a parent of children who have been sexually abused, I can't get it out of my head, how do they do so well? Not to mention the fact that my oldest has been dx'ed with PTSD *(Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) because of all of this! Why can't they add on more time for this situation? I don't think it should be based upon whether or not they have had prior convictions.....I think the sentence should be based upon the severity of the crime....for example....if you are charged with multiple counts of abuse to more than one child...you should get prison time for each count, now add on top of that the fact that they are autistic, well there should be even more time than that, and than add on top the psychiatric therapy that the children plus the parent are going to need....well there is more time...per child, per count.....
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